


Plans for the Future

by daydreamsonacloudyday



Series: Olivia Hawke [25]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3525149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamsonacloudyday/pseuds/daydreamsonacloudyday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia and Anders must decide what to do when she reveals she's pregnant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few things to note:  
> • Olivia helped Anders blow up the Chantry  
> • Ever since then, she’s been helping Anders fight for mages throughout Thedas.  
> • A pride demon has also been taunting Liv for some time now, preying on the bad place she’s in from all she’s seen in Kirkwall and while helping mages.  
> • This takes place roughly three years after they flee Kirkwall, about a year before the start of Inquisition.

_Not now… Not now, not now, not now…_

Olivia bit back the surge of nausea rising inside her as she pulled the bladed end of her staff out of the now-dead Templar before her. Whirling around quickly, she paused a moment, before she ended up heaving right then and there, and sent out a pulse of force magic to keep the remaining Templars away from her until the nausea passed. As soon as it was gone she continued to fight her enemies with everything she had, annihilating the remaining foes with the help of Anders and the other rebel mages fighting along with them.

Anders barely told the mages that they were safe for the moment when the urge to retch arrived again, stronger and more potent than the last wave of nausea that hit her. She managed to hold it off until after Anders pointed the mages towards a safe haven, but as soon as they were gone, she hunched over, spewing up the little she'd eaten that day. Anders was beside her a second later, brushing the loose strands of her hair out of her face as he rubbed her back. 

When it passed, she wiped her mouth and took a swig from her canteen, rinsing the sour taste from her mouth. Taking her face in his hands, Anders gently stroked her cheeks with his thumbs as he studied her.

"I think you may have gotten hit on the head harder than I thought the other day," he murmured, shifting into healer mode. "You may have a concussion."

"It's not a concussion," Olivia replied, waving his hands away, the intimacy of it overwhelming her.

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I've been nauseous for more than a few days," she barked, turning her back on him. He stepped in front of her, brows furrowed in confusion as he looked her over.

"For how long?" he asked, eyes boring into hers, determined to get to the bottom of what plauged her. She could see where the conversation was heading and hesitated, not wanting to go down that road. "Liv, how long?"

Sighing, Olivia sat on a nearby boulder, Anders doing the same beside her. "A week or two… maybe longer, I'm not sure." When she met his gaze, she saw him turning over ideas in his head, and she looked away, blindly staring at the dead Templars just a few feet away. She swallowed hard, preparing to share what she'd been keeping to herself for weeks—something that would change _everything_. "I haven't… I haven't bled… I missed it last month. I'll probably miss it this month, too."

Anders gasped, the sharp intake of breath a stark contrast to the silence that settled between them. Olivia couldn't bring herself to look at him, unsure of how he would react to her news. The last time there was excitement and happiness along with their shock, but now… she doubted there would be anything but shock.

"You're pregnant," he breathed, the words a barely audible whisper. She finally looked at him and he was staring at her stomach, his hands twitching at his side. He managed to tear his gaze from her abdomen, a dazed look on his face, and she nodded slowly.

"I think so."

His eyes dropped down again and he lifted his hand, reaching for her until he stopped himself, unsure. "May I?" he asked, his voice cracking, and she simply lifted and moved aside her armor and clothes, revealing the bare skin of her stomach.

His hand was warm and his touch gentle as his fingers splayed over her abdomen, brushing over various faint scars. She felt the familiar tingle of his magic reaching within her as tendrils of blue light left his fingertips, and she held her breath as she waited for him to confirm what she already knew was true.

Anders released a shaky breath, his mouth hanging open as he sustained the spell, and that was all the confirmation she needed. 

She was _pregnant_. They were going to have a _baby_.

For a brief moment, she almost allowed herself to feel a tiny sliver of happiness before a wave of worries crashed to the forefront of her mind. 

Bolting up from the boulder, she wrapped her arms around herself, a knot forming in her throat as she panted, her breaths coming in uneven gasps. "This is bad, Anders," she began, trying to formulate her jumbled thoughts into a coherent sentence. Sweat prickled on her forehead, and she wiped it away with a shaky hand before she met his gaze, wide eyes on his as he stood up as well, slowly approaching her, reaching for her. "How could we be so careless? We can’t have a baby."

Anders stopped moving towards her, his lips pressed together, arms dropping to his side. "You don't… you don't want to keep the baby?" he whispered, barely able to get the words out.

Immediately, Olivia stepped back, her hand unconsciously drifting to rest over her stomach. "No, I just…" She clenched her jaw, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment to try and calm herself down and focus, but it was no use, the fear of what would happen next causing her entire body to tense. "With with the life we live, on the run, fighting for our lives… it's no place for a child."

He stared at her, mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find a solution, but there wasn't one, and she already knew that. "We'll have to find someplace to settle down, keep you and the baby safe until—"

"And what? Give up the cause of mages to sit around and wait for this baby to come? We're just going to abandon everything we've worked for? After everything we've sacrificed?"Olivia stepped towards Anders, his gaze flicking down to her abdomen before returning to hers, a hopeless look in his tired eyes. She hated the sorrow and misery he exuded, but she needed to understand that the baby— _their_ baby—had no chance. "Even if we could manage to settle down, our baby would still be doomed," she stated. "We're not the same people we once were. We're murderers, _killers_ … so much innocent blood is on our hands."

Anders tried to speak, but her bark of desperate laughter cut him off as she caught a glimpse of the dead Templars beside them. "I'm a _monster_ ," she continued, practically sneering at the bodies, recalling how she mercilessly tore them apart like they were _nothing_ , the same way she fought all her foes. Her eyes landed on the lifeless gaze of one of the fallen men, and she felt nothing but contempt—no remorse or sympathy, just _hatred_. "I take joy in watching the light leave my enemies' eyes when they die, I relish in it. I live to make them bleed and hurt and suffer…

"That demon whispers in my ear, taunting me, baiting me, every chance it gets, and every single time I hear it I consider accepting it's offer," she continued, shame tampering down the simmering rage that was boiling within her. Her cheeks burned as she glanced back to Anders, the distressed look in his eyes almost causing her to look away again. "It would be so _easy_ to give in and wield the power it offers to cut down anyone who has ever wronged us and anyone that ever will—to make them feel pain like they've never felt before. I know it's wrong to make deals with demons, but _Maker_ , I _want_ to, if only to see our enemies suffer.

"And the worst part? I tell myself that it's all for a good cause, for mages to finally be free… when all it really is is _vengeance_." Olivia held his gaze, her chest heaving as they silently stared at each other, until she dropped her eyes to the ground, unable to stand the wide-eyed look he was giving her. "I can't be a mother, Anders," she whispered, her voice unsteady, "not when I've turned into _this_."

She heard him move, felt his hands reaching for hers a second later, and flinched at the sudden contact, pulling her hands back. 

"Liv, please," he breathed, stepping up to her. She met his eyes, surprised to see there was no disappointment or resentment in them for what she admitted. Instead, there was understanding, sadness, and regret. Furrowing her brows, she let him take her hands when he reached for them again, his thumb gently rubbing over her palms—to soothe her or him, she didn't know. "I never should have let you help me," he murmured, and she understood what he meant; he blamed himself for what she's become.

"We dealt with this years ago," she protested, giving his hands a squeeze. " _I_ made the decision to help you with the Chantry. We were at war, we _are_ at war, and it needed to be done."

"At what cost?" Anders shouted, pulling his hands from hers, running them through his hair before gesturing to her. "Look at you, Liv… look at _us_. I was ready to accept my fate. Justice and I were ready to do what was necessary, but you?" He swallowed hard, shooting her a pained stare. "I was supposed to keep you safe. You were never supposed to be a part of this, and now look at what I've done to you." 

"Anders, the only thing you ever did to me was love me," she sighed. "After everything we’d seen in Kirkwall, everything I lost there… everything we’ve seen since… I was headed down this path long before I chose to help you. Without you, I probably would have ended up here—or somewhere even worse—sooner." Olivia paused, forcing herself to take a step closer to him. She lifted her hand to his face and rested it on his cheek, his stubble rough against her skin. "We’re not the same people we were when we met, but… I still love you. That's never changed."

“I never stopped loving you either, Liv,” Anders breathed, placing his hand over hers. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers, his gaze locked on hers. She stared back at him as he nuzzled her face, his breath tickling her lips. He pulled her into a hug and they clung to each other desperately, both eager to get as close to the other as they could.

Pulling back slightly, Anders rested his hand on her stomach, bringing her back to the present. Just because they reaffirmed their love for each other didn't mean things were suddenly good. She was still pregnant, they were both still broken, and they had nowhere safe to go.

"What are we going to do?" she asked quietly. "We can't raise a baby like this."

He let out a deep breath, shaking his head. "I don't know," he answered, gently tugging her closer. She let him pull her into his arms once again, trying—and failing—to take comfort in his embrace. "We'll figure something out, we have to."

She didn't know if they ever would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of info for this:  
> • Justice makes an appearance, and by this time (probably since Act 3 really), Anders and Justice are pretty much completely in tune with one another and Justice fades in and out with ease, without any resistance from Anders. They do it together.  
> • My Warden, Isabel, gets a mention. The only thing you really need to know for this is that she's ruling Ferelden with Alistair, and went to Kirkwall with him during the "King Alistair" quest in Act 3 of DA2 (they even had dinner with Liv and Anders at the estate).

"Something doesn’t feel right," Anders murmured, and fear gripped at Olivia’s heart like a vise. He immediately realized his words sent her into a panic, and released a wave of calming healing magic from where his hand rested upon her abdomen, his gaze landing on hers. "The baby’s fine, love," he clarified, and she finally relaxed, taking a deep breath as she watched him get back to his work. He focused on her stomach again, brows furrowed as the tendrils of his magic reached within her womb, sensing their baby growing inside her. 

Anders then gasped, the sudden, sharp intake of breath almost setting her into another panic. He lifted his gaze to hers, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open as he struggled for words.

"There’s… there’s two of them," he breathed.

” _What?_ ”

"Two babies. We’re having _twins_ , Liv.”

"Are you sure?" she asked, her voice higher than normal, her breath hitching in the back of her throat. 

Nodding, Anders swallowed hard, his hand still resting on her stomach. “I couldn’t tell them apart until now, but there’s two heartbeats.”

Olivia suddenly felt dizzy as the air in her lungs rushed out of her, shock quickly twisting  into fear as her heart thrummed faster in her chest. 

 _Twins_. They had six months to find a way to take care of not one baby, but _two_. Their situation was impossible enough with _one_ baby to worry about… they needed a miracle if they were going to manage taking care of _twins_. 

Swallowing hard, she stood up from the floor where she sat, beginning to pace back and forth across their small camp. “How are we going to raise two babies?” she asked aloud. Anders approached her, placing his hands on her arms to steady her, and Olivia released a shaky breath, her eyes focused on his. “We don’t even have a plan for one baby, let alone two.”

"I know, love."

"We need to figure out what we’re doing, Anders!" she said, her voice raised, almost frantic. She rested her hand on her stomach, over their _twins_ , and he ran his hands up and down her arms to calm her. “We can’t… we have to protect them.”

"We will."

” _How?_ ”

Anders ushered her back to the fire, gently tugging her down with him until they sat again. Lacing their fingers together, he took her hand in his before staring at the fire. The warm light from the flames cast a soft glow over his face, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent in the dim light. He was unkempt, his stubble now a patchy beard, loose hair falling over dirt-stained cheeks. Olivia figured she looked just as exhausted as he did.

He ran his hand through his hair, sighing before tearing his gaze from the fire, his eyes finding hers. “I’ve been thinking,” Anders started, unsure. “When the King and Queen of Ferelden came to Kirkwall… Isabel said to contact her if we ever needed anything so she could try to help.”

Olivia huffed, shaking her head. “And what makes you think she actually meant that? Nobles say things they don’t mean all the time.”

"She meant it, I could see it in her eyes," he replied, and she quirked an eyebrow at him. "She’s lost a lot. She said she didn’t want to lose anyone else."

"Anders, just because you’re on a first name basis with the Queen of Ferelden—"

"Her family was murdered, Liv. Including her eight year old nephew," Anders sighed, and Olivia shut her mouth, speechless. "She would understand… and she doesn’t want to lose anyone else. She would help us if we asked."

"And what exactly do you intend on asking her?"

"For protection," he simply answered. "If we could go to Ferelden—"

"Go to Ferelden?" she interrupted. "Do you really think she’s going to want us anywhere near her country? We blew up a Chantry and started a _war_. We’ve probably caused her enough trouble without even _being_ in Ferelden.”

"We could at least _try_ to contact her to see what she says.”

"And how are we supposed to even do that? We’re fugitives! It’s hard enough to contact Varric, and he’s not a queen!"

"We have to try!" Anders shouted. "Ferelden is the only place that could be safe for us. We have no other options." He gave her hand a squeeze, a pleading look in his eyes.

"Fine," she muttered, accepting that he was right. It _was_ their only option. They were quiet a moment, both staring at the fire, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand. “And if it doesn’t work?” she finally asked, not meeting his gaze. “If we can’t contact her, or she refuses to help, then what?”

"I don’t know… but I will not let anyone take our children from us," he growled, his grip tightening on hers. She felt a subtle shift in the air, one she’d grown accustomed to over the years, a shift she even found comfort in—the Veil between them and the Fade became a touch thinner. Looking down at their conjoined hands, she wasn’t surprised to find Anders’ skin alight with blue cracks, Justice shining through. "We will keep them safe," he rumbled, and she met the glowing blue of his gaze.

"So you’re both in agreement then?" she asked. "If we do this, we’ll have to stop helping rebel mages, at least for now."

Justice nodded. “Mages should not have to fear for their children’s lives.”

"No, they shouldn’t."

"No Templar will take them from you. I will not let any harm come to them... or you."

"Thank you, Justice," she breathed. "I’m glad you understand."

"I did not, at first," he replied. "But you and Anders are mages. This is still helping them, in a way. I do not like abandoning the rest of your people, but it is necessary to protect your children."

Olivia lifted their linked hands over her head so she could wrap his arm around her shoulders while still holding hands. Scooting closer to him, she sighed as she rested her head back against his shoulder. “I don’t like it either,” she murmured. “But yes, it’s necessary.”

They remained silent, and soon the faint feeling of the Fade disappeared. Anders nuzzled her face, tugging her closer.

"We’ll help them again one day," he whispered. "We’ll get them their freedom, and our children will be able to live in a world where they can be mages and free."

"That sounds nice." She looked up, staring into his eyes, now returned to their usual honey-brown. "Do you really think we can make it happen?"

He released a deep breath, his free hand coming up to caress her cheek. “I… I hope so. I won’t stop trying.”

"Neither will I." 

She closed her eyes, her mind drifting as they continued to sit by the fire. 

She still couldn’t believe they were having twins. It would make the coming months even harder, but now, with a tentative plan in place, they had a fighting chance.


End file.
